104
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.

She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

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Funeral

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"

"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."

"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.

She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

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String

A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a beer.

Bartender says, "sorry I don't to string...".

So the string goes outside ties himself up and unravels an end, goes back into the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says "hey aren't you that piece of string that was in here before?"

The string says "No I'm a frayed knot..."

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Q&A

Q. What do you call the sweat produced when two rednecks are having sex?

A. Relative humidity.

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Visiting Preacher

A visiting minister during the offertory prayer:

Dear Lord," he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."

He would have continued, but at that silent, awkward moment when he paused for a breath, one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully for a change!) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice,

"Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"

Church was pretty much over at that point...

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Exchange Rate

An Asian man was trying to exchange his yen for dollars and asks the American bank teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dollar fo my yen; today I get only hunat eighty. Why dat?"

The bank teller smiled and responded, "Fluctuations."

The Asian guy frowned and responded, "Well, fluc you white guys, too!"