Suicidal glory is the luxury of the irresponsible.
We're not giving up. We're waiting for a better opportunity to win.

 
" I don't think I've ever met a Liberal whom I didn't like on a personal basis. That said, if your goal is to change minds and influence people, it's probably not a good idea to begin by asserting that virtually all elected Democrats are liars. But what the hell."
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Our Position on Obama's Election
The person you call President Obama ... ."

Sunday, October 23, 2005


Merrily's New Rules
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar.What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it were a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged.  I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating,because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place
| E-MAIL Real King of France at 10/23/2005 11:57:00 AM PERMLINK (6) | HOME


Comments:

"I did not vote for Obama but he is remarkable. In less than three weeks in office he has collected more than $150,000 in back taxes."
Gayle Miller
Very funny and really, what in the world is it with women and their eyebrows?
MM
 
~

MM, removing a few brow hairs - to keep two from being one - I get. Shaving them off to go buy a product to draw them back on, I don't get anymore than you do. Maybe they were impressed by circus clowns at a young age.

And, what is it w/restroom attendants? Geez, I always feel so uncomfortable for someone who's job is actually in the shitter!
joyce
 
~

No one wants that Andy Rooney look, lord there's probably someone's lost pet in there. And I think a unibrow would be a non-verbal red flag for me, but I'm with Joyce. Shave them off or pluck them three hairs wide? I'll confess I have this one hair on my left brow I call Lash RaRue. For some reason, I have to pull it out every couple months. It grows back and keeps growing, finally poking my eye.
MM
 
~

The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole.


HAAAA!!!!...fuckin'-a-right

STG...it's all I can do not to laugh at those self-important retards when they place an order like that.

I feel silly enough just ordering a pumpkin spice latte.
 
~

Very funny, and most of it true.
Thanks for the laughs!
 
~

Yea Excellent.Grins From England
tony
 
~

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